Fantasy mind, fantasy world

We in a crazy world. One full of horrific experiences. People die everyday and everyday is a start of a living nightmare for the baby born every minute. Its really crazy. Some survive it and some ended before the conclusion.

I was almost part of that statics, but I am so happy that’s no longer possible.

To seek happiness people try everything. Drugs to see stars, alcohol to forget or suicide to permanently numb the pain. Even though I am so proud that I don’t drink or smoke anything, that wasn’t always the case. I too wanted to escape my world… I wanted weed or some type of pill, but being a “saint” I didn’t even know how or where to find it. Maybe scared to. Plus, I could never truly steal my dad’s liquor. So instead, the pain remain constantly in my heart and mind.

I am thankful for my fear because I now know how to find the fantasy world without any harmful substances in my system.

As weird as it sounds, I started visualizing what I wanted and wrote it everywhere. I distract myself with things that make me happy. It became a habit and soon enough, I lost sight of the current troubles.

I see myself very happy. With that beautiful house and car. With kids that have open communication with their parents. I see myself as that beautiful, independent and successful lady changing the world. Saving the youth from poverty, mental illnesses. I see myself on a stage speaking to hundreds of people.

It always works for me. I tend to smile whenever the thoughts come in. Your thoughts are yours. You see what you wanna see and not the negative “fact” people tell you.

I feel like I have the biggest dreams ever. I strive for what many do not have, especially in an expensive country like mine with all the economic crisis happening.

Something am learning is how to believe in people too. Don’t get me wrong, I love people. Working them, even more, but I have a fear or betrayal and disappointment. So am working on seeing people in my fantasy world too. I wanna see the good in everyone, even those who try to make my life a living hell. Those people got problems too, reason they wanna trouble your life as well.

So that’s my fantasy world. Full of colors and normal human being. Huge dreams and a lot of happiness.

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Ey guys. Once again, you emails and messages were encouraging. So glad y’all are reading and understand my way of things. Could post Saturday, sorry for that.

Will be post every Wednesday day and Saturday. Will place it in my bio too.

Thank you

Happy Teen😊

Esty

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The process of giving up

The process of giving up.

To he honest, the term never give up doesn’t sit well with me really. It’s a phrase that has great influence in your life negatively and positively. As a kid, giving up on anything was not an option at all. I held to my word whenever it is said out loud. It was all good until someone made me promise to never give up on them. I didn’t really get time to digest the promise I was gonna make due to the heat of the moment. This soon hunted me. I soon gave up on myself without even knowing in the process of not wanting to give up on the other person. This person constantly took me for granted and I knew that, but the promise I made was greater. So I constantly stayed not wanting to break my promise.

I soon understood that everything as an exception. Such as this phrase. Do not keep fighting for anything that steals your peace, morals and sleep. It is really not worth it. It is impossible to work on someone that can’t work on themselves.

We are not Santa, Jesus, Allah etc. we are simply human, we can’t grand miracles.
So let’s change this phrase. Do not give up on you or anything that brings you happiness. True happiness, not toxic type of happiness. Fight to have want you wants because you have the power to get it all. And don’t be scared to ask for help. We can’t make it on our own sometimes.

When it comes to us, I don’t even think its an option to give up on ourselves. We always make way for special ones. Even our phones, so I am pretty sure you can make time for your dreams too. And to be for reals, forgiving up on anything is actually really selfish and inconsiderate to our souls. How do you feel when someone gives up on you? Pretty sure not happy. So imagine how it feels to give up on yourself when your only true friend is yourself.

So stop complaining and nagging on how hard life is. How hard it is too reach anything because we have all been there and we all made it. You can and will too. I am quite sure.

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Hi guys. Thanks for reading again and for reaching out. It means a lot. I have been quite busy lately so I didn’t prepare my post to today before time.

Because of my word, I did feel to need to write something. Next post will hopefully be longer.

Truly grateful

Happy Teen😊

Esty

Gratitude

Hey guys… thank you so much for the love on my previous posts. It makes me believe that someone somewhere is really taking this to heart and I their day, if not minute. My real aim is to simply let people know that the world isn’t as negative as many see it. There’s so much to be grateful for.
Huge thanks to my diary and best friend for suggesting this topic to write about. This is dedicated to you Imms.

Picture of one of my day ones

Gratitude

I often find myself depressed and sad over the simplest things. This is the reason why the gratitude attitude helps to constantly see the good things in life rather than the negative.
The key to my happiness is gratitude. Whenever I think of something negative, I simply remind myself of how it could be worse. Having friends betray me is nothing new. So, besides being depressed about it all the time, I take it as a lesson and move on from it. I limit the number of friends I have and what I say to them. Currently, I only have less than a hand full of friends I can truly place my life on them. Most of them being boys because they create less drama and gossip less too.

I once hated my body too. I found myself to skinny, my butt too small, my color too orange like, my hair too thick and straight, too tall etc. I never really appreciated my body and I am so disappointed in myself for that. There are people out there who are extremely too tall or too short. Some are disabled, got no color pigment or have malnutrition if not obese. Now am not saying that having no color pigments, be different or being obese is bad. Do not even feel down if that is you because the world got bigger problems than that. If you truly dislike how you are, change. Hit the gym, use makeup, make you butt bigger. If it makes you happy, bleach. Forget about what the world thinks and do you. Just stop being so unhappy. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you and be grateful because you don’t know when they will disappear. That ugly cheap thing you got is way better than her not getting anything. Stop making everything about yourself. See what’s happening to others in the world and always appreciate what you have.

I recently found myself on YouTube. Listening to Sam Berns’s interview on his philosophy to be happy. By the time, he was in junior high. He had progeria. A rare disease that causes rapid growth in children. He knew he had more or less 13 years to live and yet, nothing stopped him. He didn’t let his disease let him sit back and watch others do things while he was depressed, but instead, he took part in all he wanted to do. He was grateful to be breathing everyday that he woke up.

There are many examples I can make but that’s not the point. There are people who wish they had what you have. People in war, no access to water nor electricity. People who fear for they lives every day. So who are we to be so ungrateful? We complain about everything and appreciate nothing. Imagine being part of those kids that were involved in the shooting in Florida. Imagine being one of those parents waiting to hear whether your child made it or not.

Be grateful. Please. Stop making the world unhappy with your negative respond towards everything and be grateful. Everything happens for a reason, all at least that’s my way of coping with things. I believe things can always get worse, but they didn’t.
Be grateful you have a phone or computer with internet to read this post. Even if its somebody else, just like me using my cousin’s computer and stealing my neighbor’s Wi-Fi.

Things could be worse. But they aren’t. You still got a roof over your head even if it’s your aunts or a shelter. You have someone that makes sure you healthy and ate a meal in a day. Be grateful you at school because some aren’t and can’t . You have a future and goals while others do not have that opportunity.

Treasure all you have and smile often. Don’t forget that the more you appreciate then little you have, the more the universe will give you.

A happy me…. Getting through everyday

For me it works. Hopefully it works for you too.
Make the world a better place simply by being appreciative for all you have.

If you think I am being unreasonable and don’t understand, try me. I too was a depressed ungrateful teen that constantly saw all the negative. If I worked on myself to be happy, you can too.

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Thanks for reading. Y’all keep me writing. Next post is on Wednesday. Comments are welcome and reach out. Am here and I care.

Happy Teen

Esty

Valentine’s day thought

Today’s a day people get to show love to each other. People exchange gifts and many get to show them off on social media. I for one, never really took valentine’s day seriously because people should love, care, spoil one another everyday. Either way, because I choose not be engaging in relationships currently, I didn’t even see it approach. The girls i mentor only got to tell yesterday about it.

I find myself fortunate because never did a year pass leaving me left out. Besides the amazing friends I have, and my family that get each other small things, such as dad make a special breakfast. Unfortunately, not everyone has that. Some don’t know how it feels to be loved or get something. So what are YOU going to do about that?

This is what I did today for somebody else.

Thanks to the USAID and I-Tech for getting me employed, I got to met so many girls for informal settlements and low income settlements. Meaning, most of this children only get the basic essentials to live due to income limits. I didn’t want them to feel any less than anyone else.

After buying different sweets and and having a few ideas, I went to their school to set my plan into motion. I start of by asking simple questions such as: what is valentine’s, why and with who do we celebrate it with? Of course, since they are smart, they all gave correct answers. Later on, I asked kids who got nothing at all how they felt and they said sad and felt out. One smart girl tells me she’s very happy because the best friend gave her a hug, which she appreciates very much.

Therefore, I gave the task to the girls yo make each other cards and gave all of them sweets. They also got the chance to go around the class and hug a new friend. Soon, all the sad faces were gone and I only worked with smiling faces today.

Tomorrow, I will be doing the same with another school.

Message is, even though I didn’t get a present today, I still feel happy and grateful for making a person’s day. How would the world be if we all made each other feel special?

Thought for Valentine’s day.

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Due to the amount of work I am having, this week, I had had no time to write today’s blog on time. I do apologize for any errors I might have written. Give a girl some slack, had to write this exhausted and late just to keep my words. 😊

Really excited on my next blog. Being preparing it since last week, so be alert Saturday, next blog will be out.

Stay happy and thoughtful

Happy Teen

Esty❤

Why I fear growing up too fast. My life story

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Ey guys! So, I know that I said I’m gonna be writing about everyday situations, but a lot of people are asking what’s up with the aging fear in my introduction post. So, I thought y’all should know my life better and how I not only relate on the future topics, but how I truly understand them too. This post is on my life story.
Disclaimer: This isn’t about my parents but rather about me. Period! My parent may not be perfect, but I surely do appreciate their physical presence. It’s better than none, right?

Why I fear growing up too fast.

Unfortunately, soon after I completed my grade one, they moved me to the city to stay with my dad. Obviously my grandmother didn’t like the idea and didn’t hide it either. Few months later, she passes on. For a child that doesn’t understand life and watches a lot of movies, I created the idea that my granny left me because her strength (me) left. Therefore, she stopped fighting. Now, I understand that it was less likely to be the truth, but naïve Esty didn’t think so. Soon, I grew believe it was my fault she died.
Either way, my parents were never the best of friends. At first they co-parented, until my mom wanted me to stay with her in the village, which I obviously objected too. I was then placed in the center of the parental conflicts there were. I was used to hurt the other constantly. At the age of 10/11, I was copying with the constant words being thrown to me such as :” I wish I didn’t give birth to you, should have aborted you” etc. I soon started feeling really sad and wished I had good parents as other kids did. But no. I was given parents that made me feel invisible and unwanted or so I thought.
As a kid, I always wanted to grow way faster because I didn’t like being disappointed by adults. I hated how I couldn’t communicate with my parents about anything, unless its them telling me about boys and school. I disliked how they never attended any of my prize giving. After years of praying that my granny comes back or my parents would get back together, I was soon hit with the fact that neither will ever happen. I constant told myself that I needed to survive on my own because no one was there for me.

At the age of 12, I found myself listening to P!nk- F*cken perfect as it became my favorite song. The curses in it made me feel normal and the song felt like it’s written specifically for me. Soon after, I started listening to Eminem- cleaning out my closet; because I felt like I was silently apologizing to my mom for being alive, for ruining her life.
My communication skills got worse by the day and the absence of my mother constantly got me depressed. I love my sister, but her being born soon got me jealous. Everything I wanted (a family, the Barbie room, my own room) but was denied, she got without even asking. She has everything, including a married mom and dad.
I learnt to find comfort in high school. It became a hiding closet. I would stay till late at school just to avoid going home. Even if that meant being alone in the school, sleeping while apparently “study”. To pursue “love” that I didn’t have at home, I started dating at the age of 15. It would be toxic, yet I stayed because that pain was less hurtful compared to the pain at home. Never was perfect enough or recognized for any good I did. Having what seemed like a perfect image at school, it soon grabbed negative attention. Haters became more and more and school soon became unbearable. Life started feeling like hell.
Suicide crept into my thoughts and constantly tried over dozing, each time I would take more than the previous attempt. After a final blow of losing my best friend to the sea, I found myself hospitalized for over dozing and was soon diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Life was simply an open hole for me. Nothing to appreciate. I became a living dead.
After being a head girl senior year, I had to either get my sh*t sorted or lose my duties. With the help of self-determination, my best friend and close teachers, I slowly got back to my feet and right now, I am at my happy place. A genuinely happy place. Not everything is perfect and my bonding with people still sucks big time. Only difference now is that I now see the good in the world rather than then all the bad. I learnt what gratitude really means.
Even though I am at a good place in my life now, I didn’t experience all those young girls learns and YOLO teenage years which I find needed in your adulthood. Therefore, I want to experience that now. To laugh and play in the rain with a free light spirit without thinking of the consequences. I need to learn how to use my own senses and allow my intuition and feelings to make the choices. I still need to learn how to build relationships and communicate. I must admit I am happy where I currently am . no negative thoughts, no stress. Just seeing the beauty in all.
So no. I do not want to move up the stair of university just yet. I am first working on me and arranging all I want.

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So sorry for such a long post. Shall never happen again. But hey, 18 years aren’t easy summarizing.
Hopefully, after what I overcame, hopefully, you all understand my desire to help other because I never want anyone to feel how I did. Or even to go through it. Psychological and emotional hurt is a thing too.

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***comment*** tell me what you think…

Thanks for reading.

Next update is on Wednesday!

Happy Teen

First blog post- intro

HappyTeen is simply a website for young people going through changes, but choose to be happy. It focuses on everyday conflicts and solutions.

I am Esty btw (18), completed high school last year. Since I am terrified of aging too fast into life, I decided on taking a gap year and leave university for another year. So hopefully, this will keep me busy.

This posts are written by me either from experience or simply personal thoughts. So please do not crucify me. We are all entitled to our own opinions.

I do not have a sequence for posting yet, but the next post will be on Saturday evening… Thanks in advance guys

Your input is truly appreciated too.❤

    • Esty